Bandz A Make Her Dance?

… if you haven’t heard this Mike WiLL Made It production, where have you been? 

It was Aristotle Onassis who once said that if women did not exist, then “all the money in the world would have no meaning.” He was right. Matthew Fitzgerald declared that women unconsciously package themselves as commodities with make-up, jewellery and shape-revealing clothing forcing men to rely on attraction tactics such as driving expensive cars and bragging about present or future earning power just to catch one. But lately, some men are just taking the whole money thing to another level.

Just ask Ava, see, for 2013 we decided to come out of the woodwork and start frequenting the compelling world of the café-cum-club, as they serve better cocktails than coffee, and we all know that it really does go down in café-cum-clubland, at night.  One of the most familiar figures to be found in the poorly maintained minimalist setting that is the café-cum-club is the adventitious male of a certain age, dressed to fit in and believed to possess infinite riches. This type usually travels alone or in pairs, huddled around the small tables and trying not to look uncomfortable in the post-modern chairs while sipping on draught and perhaps the single malt, puffing away on cigars. Their favourite activity is to infiltrate groups of younger females and offer them alcoholic beverages in the hope that one will return his kindness with sexual favours. The women usually accept, give them a bit of attention and then go about their night.

But, when the desired female is with male company, these men get crafty as they assume she is already being bankrolled for the night by said male company – which, by the way never happens when we go out with Try, we always pay for him *Oi! I have a girlfriend I spend on – Try* So, in Ava’s case, the older man ordered a waiter to deliver his intentions: a black bill holder with a wad of cold hard cash and a note that read:

“For you, baby gal… too fine!!!”

At the same time as the Juicy J track blasted over the speakers. After thinking about it, she turned it down – yes, yes we were all bummed – and we left.

The following day, she deserted us for a solo lunch – more like a regretful lunch – at a bar when she turned and saw the same man from the night before. She had a plan. He noticed her and decided to join her table and to absorb her bill. They conversed, had drinks until he suggested they dine in another part of town. Like any single girl these days, she secretly took a picture of him, his car and registration, sent them to me and headed for more drinks, food and “honest” conversation. They then moved back to our side of town – for more drinks – until he had enough, the charade was on for six hours thus far. He looked at his watch, then asked for the bill before stating his vexation “so, Av, can’t we go to your place so we can get it on? It’s getting late.”  She looked up from her phone and dryly said “no” then she continued to IM me about how she thought that a guy she referred to as “Zen Master”  *don’t ask*  was in the same bar and what she should do to approach him. The man abruptly left her. Unperturbed, she called me telling me to come over as she had a backlog of cocktails waiting to be consumed and we could look-out for Zen Master together. I came running.

Peacocking – men who believe the biggest myth in the history of attraction and finances are prone to succumb to it. Yes, money attracts women. It’s a genetic urge. Since the dawn of human existence, the human female, like females of pair-bonding animals wants copulation with the best male, in other words, the man that could provide goods and services to her and her sprog. However, with the introduction of the monetary economy, women have also evolved and realised that all they need is money and they have developed a way to ensure that they get it. The simplest way being toying with the idea that a man may have a chance in bedding her only if he spent a bit – or a lot – on her. Some choose to give it up for reasons one will never wholly understand, while others want not to as they are familiar with the low-investment mating strategy** that is characteristic of the peacock.  Flashy spending may get a woman’s attention, but that’s where it ends. She’ll still go for someone else, like Ava and her eternal lust for Zen Master *or a pool boy like most bored housewives do when their husbands are at work – Try*, and the peacock is back in café-cum-club land throwing racks.

So really now, who’s fooling who?


**low-investment mating strategy of peacocks, explained by Jonathan Beber "once a peacock has impregnated a peahen, his job is done.  The peacock doesn’t stick around to help raise the offspring."
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2 thoughts on “Bandz A Make Her Dance?

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