COINAGE

a "please call me"

The “Please Call Me”

—

by

Coin Macy
in

– the most helpful thing since, well, before they were created.

Depending on the circles you run in, a “Please Call Me” or “call-back” or PCM is a free service you dial. Sends a short message to your recipient that requires the recipient to do as its name suggests: call the sender! If you are a respectable PCM sender, your recipient WILL call; if not, well…
During my high school days, circa 2001, when PCMs were unlimited, they could only be sent to someone on the same network as yours and read “Please Call Me”. Gabsie and I would communicate solely via PCM; one meant one thing; two, something else; three, another and so on… to the point that when they could not capture your thoughts, one just had to send a text and if the text could not get the message across, only then would a call suffice. Today, this PCM code still exists, but it is only used in those cases when you know that the recipient of your text messages has no airtime or SMS bundles to reply, so you send something like “Are you still coming? Reply one PCM = yes, two = no” and if the person is prone to mess that up you a further “after that odd number of PCM’s = yes, even = no” CONFUSED? Be glad I didn’t explain the one, two, and three PCM convo-alphabet code!
After a while, either people complained of random people sending them PCM, and when they called back – because that was the primary function of this excellent new service – people would say they just “made up” the number, or there was something called PCM stalking, or there was just such a high volume of PCM traffic because these networks got smart, firstly we could now send PCM’s to any network, BUT they started to charge us.. 20c. Luckily, this didn’t last long, so they made them accessible again, but they were limited – BUMMER! No more one, two, or three PCM convo-alphabet-code; we still used it even if we had to pay – don’t ask. We basked in limited PCMs – bloody networks – and to keep us happy, they gave us a treat – personalized PCMs! Well, it was not fully personalized; all we could “personalize” was the “me” to something under ten characters. Boy! Did we eat this up? We ate it up like we usually do with Debonair’s latest offerings. They were the best things since the unlimited simple PCMs – the iPad of PCMs. They were:
  • “Please Call Coin”
  • “Please Call Me” (the people who thought they were being funny)
  • “Please Call Mxit” (for people who want to carry on with a conversation on Mxit)
  • “Please Call FB (or Facebook)” (for people who wish to share news on Facebook)
  •  “Please Call (student number)” (this one was sent to a lecturer)
  • “Please Call IluvU”
  • “Please Call ImisU”
  • “Please Call HepiBday”
  • “Please Call MryXmas”
  •  “Please Call HepiNuYr”
  • “Please Call Marry me.” (I can bet you it’s been done)
  • and “Please Call Noairtym” (although this is redundant because some networks offer the “Please Recharge Me) ..and many more!

PCMs had now created the why-send-a-text-or-call-when-you-can-sum-it-up-in-ten-characters attitude, which was basically about being short, direct and most importantly, you said it for free! Companies also jumped onto the PCM bandwagon, and networks made even more money with the PCM ads. Luckily, one could enable or disable these ads because you’d get “Please Call Noairtym. Blacklisted, need a loan? Call 0860 00 00 00 in seconds”. Again, we were smart about the new PCMs, especially since this new cyber-speak of dropping vowels and some consonants and shortening phrases like “had to be there” to HTBT or FYI and LOL, etc… With these new PCMs, you had to be with the “right” network because some allow you to change every PCM while others allow you to change your PCM message once a day – like the one I’m with.

So, if you’re me and you happened to have met a potential SO who happens to live his life through PCMs, you wouldn’t be surprised to one day – after a third date *yes since I’ve overcome my fear of dates since that disastrous one – to receive a PCM that read “Please Call BeMyGF” Unfortunately, I was with Ava -who thought it was the cutest thing ever! So I accepted with “Please Call Sure”. After a couple of months, things had run their course with Mr PCM, and I was forced to send “Please Call ItsOver,” this time, I was with Try. His reasoning was since it started with a PCM, let it end with one. I couldn’t argue.

UNFORTUNATELY, I subscribe to the network I do, and it was one of those SMS bundle-free, data bundle-free, airtime-less days. I was forced to send PCMs to people – including the authors of my life. So I received calls and texts: “What’s over?” “you dumped him via PCM – nice“, to “PCM break-up, you can be so heartless” and one call as requested by my “Please Call ItsOver“. Luckily the initial recipient of the break-up PCM got the message and didn’t put up a fight; he just replied, “Please Call Cool”. PCMs are handy – if you’re with the network that meets your PCM needs, they’re brief and direct, but seriously, can we say all we need to say for free and in under ten characters?

*Even Twitter tried with the 140 characters thing, but out of a need to say more TMI Me Twitlonger was born -Ava*
If so, this post would’ve simply been “Please Call PCMsRock.“
Coin Macy
Linguist and inhabitant of the inter-web.

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