South Africa, there is no place like it. But then again, anyone can say that about the country of their birth, yes? No?
Well, what makes this country great is its cultural diversity – yes, most countries are culturally diverse, but not like South Africa, because here we celebrate and recognise all cultures, and this all makes for a beautiful variety of English called the Standard South African English *how textbook of you – Sang*. See, it’s not uncommon for language varieties to have different names for certain things; say, the Americans call it ketchup, and the Poms call it tomato sauce; on the left of the pond, it’s known as jelly and on the right, it’s known as jam – or preservative *and the French have a joke about the English eating preservatives – Coin* The list is long.
Well, in South Africa, particular objects also have their unique names… There’s the tennis shoe/sneaker debacle… we call ’em tekkies *maybe because they are tacky – Coin* and a barbecue is a braai (probably the most practised right here, which is another post altogether). A napkin is a serviette, sausage is wors, a plastic bag is a packet. When someone calls you a “china”, they’re being nice; ditto for when they call you a “bra”… the list goes on. There are still the “black” South African Standard English words like how Cadbury’s chocolate éclairs are Jackson 5’s, all toothpaste is known as “Colgate”, “packets (see above) are known as “Checkers”, and all fizzy drinks are known as “Coke”. Yes, this is South Africa.
My favourite South Africanism is the robot *sigh*. Tourists have remarked, “Are you all okay with all these robots?” I swear the Japanese must think we beat them to making socially acceptable robots; people must think we live like we’re in I, Robot! To the world, a robot is a machine that resembles a human and does mechanical routine tasks on command, but to South Africans, a robot is a simple traffic light… yes, we just went one step ahead.
The robots at most intersections are a fascinating place; apart from being solely built to control traffic, one can spot the occasional driver digging their nose or catch another talking to themself only to find out they’re using a hands-free cell phone kit; the robots are like where life begins. They are that one-stop shop all because of the traffic light vendors:
THEY ROCK. HARD.
Forget drive-thru’s; these guys, or traffic-light vendors, have made life in South Africa so convenient.
Need a mobile phone car charger? They have it.
Need an umbrella? They have it.
Need a cool drink? That’s why there’s that cooler box on the pavement with dry ice; sometimes, in summer, they even sell ice lollies.
When I was a kid, they mostly sold flowers and newspapers, but now it’s fruit, DVDs of the film that are yet to be released around the country, sunglasses, vuvuzelas, potato crisps, sweets, beanies, gloves, scarves, blow up things, toys and knick-knacks. Watches, artwork, mirrors – I exaggerate not – sportswear, flags and aircon repairs. These vendors are heaven-sent. They saw a gap in the market and closed it. Some call them annoying, but I reckon they should also have coffee and to-go breakfast or carry satellite PDAs linked to various government departments, say the traffic department and Home Affairs. Then the world would be a better place.
They offer a quick – well, they have to be, traffic lights only close for a minute – and friendly service for the type of condition they work in – which is more than I can say for in-store salespeople. They brave losing a limb, work weekends and public holidays, and do it all with a smile.
The only downside is when you want that DVD, but everyone can see that you in the silver Jeep Wrangler with registration plate “AVABABY GP” buy pirated DVDs *sigh*
The best ones are around Fourways, Johannesburg or Menlyn, Pretoria
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