South Africa is one of the few countries with a directional name, yet I still meet the odd person who dares to ask where “South Africa” is— and of so many exciting things that I’ll leave you to Google later. My favourite thing about the country is how one can go to any of its metropolitan areas and feel as though you’ve experienced two different worlds thanks to its cultural diversity. Here, there is no “average Joe”. There’s an average [insert race/origin/social status] Joe. Which brings me to the “café”. Where else in the world, a café refers to an informal eatery that offers a range of hot meals and sandwiches or an establishment that specialises in serving coffee because, technically, café is Euro-speak for coffee, which makes sense.
Wait until you come to South Africa, where the average Joe could point you to one of two places:
1. The Corner Café: an establishment that can be found – yep, you guessed it – at the corner of any street and has nothing to do with serving coffee and hot meals, unless one counts the varieties of meals these places make with a type of sausage South Africans call “Russian” (post on this to come) and fries. These establishments are a cross between a small convenience store – the only convenience being its proximity to one’s abode – and a general trader that sells miniature over-priced goods, and the only coffee one will find there is in a tin and is either percolated or chicory. These establishments are identifiable by the outside signs sponsored by a mobile network or a soda company.
2. T e franchise café: This establishment is known for its food but primarily for its cocktails (and cocktail specials), alcoholic beverage launches and alcoholic beverage-sponsored parties complete with DJs and promo-gals. These places magically turn from a semi-respectable breakfast meeting place to a bar-type place by day to a packed club by night. Yes, there’s coffee, but who drinks it when the server can slip you a cold one at 9 am with your Eggs Benedict? These establishments are the hunting grounds of BEE-type characters (BEE – black economic empowerment, l-o-n-g story but proves that South Africa still has a long way to go) who sit with laptops, playing Solitaire, looking like they’re busy on a “deal” or talk to themselves on the phone – and forget to switch to “silent profile” because they look silly when the phone starts ringing “mid-conversation”.
Suppose you’re looking for that cosy place with the smell of coffee and authentic good croissants and pastries. In that case, you know that type of place one would expect to see Hemmingway, Wilde, Van Gogh and even Sartre sipping on coffee and smoking a cigarette; you’re going to have to be specific when speaking to the average South African Joe and ask for a coffee shop. If they don’t get it, ask for a directory or look in your traveller’s guide. Any place with something to do with coffee in its title is your best bet… avoid NewsCafe.
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